WHO AM I?
Who am I? funny how one question can have you stop dead in your tracks and have you ramble back and forth in your head, well, who are you?
Why did this question come up in my life at this moment in time? Well to start, I wanted to do a ‘who am I’ video for my production company, an intro of sorts for any potential clients. I wanted to share with them, who I was and how I came to be a videographer. That is how it started, but as I thought on it, I was faced with the ultimate question. Who are you?
I read a sentence in book by Wayne Dyer that said “who you are is what cant be changed” crap, what the hell does that mean? I am a mom, wife, barrel racer, mountain biker, videographer, aunt, daughter, sister, I am 44, e.c.t, e.c.t, but all of those things can change, take it all away, who am I?
I do not believe that this question is asked until you have a moment in your life where you really have to take a good, hard look at yourself, see what your made of, usually these moments come from a time of despair, for me that certainly was the case. I share this story for me, for you, for no eyes to see or for all eyes to see. I have no idea where this is going, but know I am compelled to write this.
January 2011, I am impossibly restless and wanting to go on an adventure, basically looking for any excuse to go on one. I get these restless moments often, I love to travel, but this particular moment in time, I just wanted to shut my mind off and get away, forget about being a mom or a wife. I wanted a charge, a fire lit under my ass, something to make me feel alive and full of energy again.
A friend of mine from high school is a travel guru. I loved following her adventures on Face Book, I am not sure how we connected again, but we did, started with a coffee and then her literally just popping by my house one day for a visit, it was on that visit she mentioned her trip to Peru, I loved the idea and within two days I booked my trip.
I met my friend in Lima, Peru and that was the start of a trip that changed everything for me. My friend was going through heartache at the time, so her tears and sorrow kept me focused on her and not me, it was the perfect arrangement, she is the type of gal that likes to lead and at that moment in time, I was ready to follow. My friend is quirky, she says and does things that I’d never imagine to say or do, she talks about the universe, spirit and manifesting the things you want in life. One time we were taking a walk in Lima, talking about life and how it rolls along. I remember her stopping and saying that we should take a moment to reflect in silence, think of everything we wanted in life, visualize putting it all in a ball and throwing it out to the universe, asking for a sign later that day that the ball was received, wtf is she talking about? I recall closing my eyes and doing what she wanted, but instead of thinking of what I wanted in life, I was thinking, please do not let anyone walk by us, we look like we have fallen off the turnip truck.
Fast forward to the last few days of my time in Peru, we were in Machu Picchu.. I would suggest doing an image search if you do not know what Machu Picchu is, it is a place of wonder, beauty and all in and all pretty dang awesome, a must see in my opinion.
It was here in a restaurant, as we waited for the rain to stop, that I saw a tour guide organizing a huge group of tourists, getting them all settled for lunch, I could not understand what he was saying, but you could feel his passion for his job, his zest for sharing such an amazing place with these tourists. I though, what a lucky bugger, he spends his time, sharing his fantastic culture with others. The seed is planted. I could do that too, in my own province, in my own country.
Once again fast forward to one month later. I am back home and have launched a tour company called ‘Tours By Q “. Incase you are wondering Q is my nickname. I would offer sightseeing tours of the Kamloops area, mountain biking, rafting, hiking, e.c.t. My first client was a mountain bike client, they wanted to see the trails that Kamloops had to offer. I had started mountain biking two years earlier, had decent skills and knowledge of the mountain biking trails. I ended up booking lots of mountain bike jobs, enough so that I started a separate mountain bike company named after myself Monique The Mountain Biker, this brilliant handle came from my quirky friend, who suggested I take on the handle, funny how when you take on the handle Monique The Mountain Biker, that people assume you must be of importance, I quickly maxed out my friends list on Face Book and started booking more and more bike tours. I was still the same person I was a few months ago, but the persona of who I am changed, perhaps this is who I am?
I had clients ask what the trails were like and asking for videos of them, so here I go with a video camera to film trails, My friend once again helped me with this, as she is quite talented with film production. I loved filming with my tiny one hundred dollar camera. I had that camera with me all the time, even, took it to the Enchanted Forest just outside of Revelstoke, British Columbia and filmed our family outing, did a fun edit and posted it to YouTube. Fate as I am now calling it stepped in and low and behold the President of the Enchanted Forest contacted me, asking to use our family video as a promo video for the park, to date it is still the main promotional video. I recall thinking to myself, “hey you must be kinda good at this film stuff” and that started my passion for film. I did what ever I could to learn the business, I volunteered at a local television station, by far the smartest move I ever made, I learned so much, I filmed, produced and edited made for television shorts and full half hour programming. I was with them for over a year, in late 2012, I launched M.T.M.B Productions, M.T.M.B is an acronym for Monique The Mountain Biker, so this is who I am, I am a videographer, but am I?
So where was my despair in all this? What started me on this journey? So far it all seems to be coming up roses huh? Well it was not. My husband and I had a shitty time for quite sometime, we were at the point of him wanting to leave. I recall coming unglued, I was a freaking basket case, cried so hard my eyes couldn’t open, There goes one title, I am not a wife anymore, well what am I? I am not one for asking for help, but boy did I need it,I asked to see a shrink,yup,I am a turnip.Haha. I went to the physiologist and told her my tale of woe, she asked me ‘ Why do you want your husband to stay?” my reply “ because I love him” her reply, “ oh so you are doing this to make you happy and not him?” frack, stupid cow, how dare she! but she was right, it was the biggest ‘ah ha’ moment of my life , it was like a book , a big book , being smacked over my head, I got it, all in one moment I got it. I alone am responsible for my happiness, just me, “so what ya gonna do now princess? “I say to myself. I reply to myself, change it and I did. Week after week I went to see that shrink, read the books she asked me to read, week by week, I saw the fog lift and light shine in. The psychologist kicked me out after 5 weeks, said you are done, nothing more I can do for you, you get it, now get out. Ha ha.
My marriage improved, I told my husband I would love him, even if he didn’t love me, it took some time, but he did come back around to thinking I was all that and a bag of chips. That is when I learned that it was so much easier to love than withhold love. It takes too much energy to be grumpy, envious, spiteful, plus it feels terrible. I will not live that way. The shrink, I am sure she loves the name ‘ shrink ‘ told me “ when you change you and your reactions, the people around you change too” wise advice.
I have had such a massive transformation in my life that I now believe in manifesting things in my life, I believe each of us has a path to follow and crumbs are placed out for us to follow all the time, whether you choose to follow them or not is your choice. All I know is I listen to my gut, if it feels bad, I do not go that direction, if it feels good, I get moving down that path, if you choose to ignore the crumbs of life, eventually an entire loaf of bread will be thrown at you and you will be forced to take a good hard look at your self, I had a big stale loaf thrown at me, lol, but I would not change it for anything. What a fantastic journey. I will throw things out to the universe all the time and say you deal with it, this is what I would like and it always works out in ways beyond my wildest imagination.
This is how I became a videographer, I followed the crumbs and now have a pretty cool successful company, ironically, the Tours By Q business has never booked one job, not one. Will I always do video production? Who knows, just as with my marriage, I do not promise forever, but I do promise to do the best I can in this moment and it is working. I love my life, I love video production, it is a way to connect people, animals, places, it lights my fire. I guess you could say I am now ‘quirky’ too. I have friends look at me like I am nuts when I say close your eyes and imagine what you want. Ha full circle there.
So, Who am I?
The better question is Who Are you?