A few months ago I received a notice in the mail saying that the results of my last pap test were inconclusive and a retest needed to be done. I really didn’t care if I had to have another test, yes it is somewhat embarrassing, exposing yourself in that manner but, after delivering two children, my self consciousness about the whole thing has diminished, bring a whole marching band through I do not care, lets just get it done. I mean it can’t be that interesting to look at my private parts close up anyways. I get the test done and think nothing of it, if there is a concern, they will call me, almost three months later, I get that call.
“Monique this is Dr..blah blah’s office, we need you to come in to discuss the results of your last test and to have another pap”.
So, let the whirly bird of possibilities blow the doors off this house, because I certainly can not be the only one that freaks out a little when they get this kind of a phone call. I listen to her politely and make an appointment for later that afternoon. I hang up the phone and loose it. I cried my face off, why? Fear, I guess, fear of what they will say, fear of cancer, fear of dying. I am a positive person, almost to the point of being annoying and I am now fear mongering. I have my big baby fest cry and opt to take my dogs out for a hike, fresh air will clear my head.
When I feel fear, I try to tap into why I am afraid, there is always a reason. I think at moments like this, people or most certainly me, reflect on what is important in their lives. I have a great life, great family, great friends, great career, so why am I crying as I am hiking with the dogs? I am not afraid of cancer, I am not afraid of dying, so what is it? Then it comes to me, I am afraid of not living. I then take a running count in my head of all the things I have on my life to do list. I am doing pretty darn good, I am doing almost everything that I wanted in this lifetime, I am an all in kinda girl, I go for it, take chances and live. I really do LIVE well. I still have things I want to do, but for the most part, I have nothing to complain about. The fear dissipates then and I am left feeling grateful for all that I am and all that I have. I am actually feeling pretty darn fantastic, what a fabulous way to take stock of your life.
I tell a few people about my appointment, family and friends and get ready for my appointment, what did the Doc say? Well, the test showed abnormal cells, he wouldn’t say more than that, he wants me to have a scope of some sort with a gynecologist, guess they shine a flashlight up your hoo hoo and take a good look, oh joy, lol. Once he has the results of that test and the pap test, then we will know more of what we are dealing with. The doctor did not seem to concerned, worse case, I have to have all my plumbing taken out, I am done with it anyways, so that is okay for me., best case my body is just messing around with the doctor, payback for delivering my first born with mustard on his shirt, ha ha ha
I am not too worried either, though an extra breath out will happen once all the tests come back as normal.
So what the heck does this have to do with my blog for the production company? Well quite simply put, this company is one of the reasons I am so happy with life, video is my gift back to the world, my legacy. My children see me following my dreams and they see that they too can have all they ever want in this lifetime, strangers have seen my work and now have a different perspective, a softer, kinder perspective, clients have seen what I see in them when I video them, they are all so incredible and friends and family, well they are inspired to do something they never thought they could do before, they are stepping out of their comfort zones, kicking fear to the curb and going for it. I am so proud of them.
If you received a call today, could you say you are living the life you want? if yes, well done, If you answered no, then change it, be bold, be brave, be remarkable,
we are all meant to shine.